I Pity No One More Than My Students

Before you think “Oh, Julia’s a terrible teacher,” shut up. No. You’re wrong. I’m an amazing teacher.

But have you ever learned Spanish? Have you ever learned Spanish as an eight year old? You don’t get is as much when you speak English, but there are a heck of a lot of letters that sound very similar to other letters.

I can remember struggling with remembering which direction the lowercase ‘d’ faced as opposed to the lowercase ‘b.’

In class, my students practice dictation. The sentences are pretty simple, but one of the things that I see them get tripped on all the time is ‘b’ versus ‘v.’

For example: one of the sentences was ‘they observed the open window’ (ellos observan la ventana abierta). What I had to correct was ‘Ellos ovserban la bentana avierta.’

This sucks. This sucks for those students who, when they misspell a word in dictation practice have to rewrite it ten times for homework (this includes if they forget to add a tilde on a stressed syllable). It’s also an honest and easy-to-make mistake.

B versus v, y versus ll, and z versus th are brutal battles that these poor eight year olds fight every day.

Proposal: we abolish the alphabet. No more spelling, no more alphebetizing. We just write words however we feel like they sound. No more ‘queues,’ we just have Qs. No more Worcester, we have ‘Wooster.’ Language is made up and fake and therefore it is public domain and I have the power, as do all of you, to get rid of any and all stupid rules that might have once hindered our growth as human beings.

Viva la revolucion,

Jules

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